You are engaged??

You can tell if people care about you from the way they congratulate you on your engagement. The initial reaction is very important. It could vary from just an open jaw with a “really?”, to a Miss-India like hands-on-clamped-mouth expression—in my opinion, they are both highly offensive. I mean, is it bloody so surprising that I got engaged? It could also be a high-pitched “whaaat”, which makes you doubt if the person is aurally disabled. (Or makes you anxious that you could soon be.) One of my (now ex) suitors kept repeating “that’s great news” for about 5 whole minutes. I was not sure how to respond to that. Because it looked like he was more thrilled by the news than I was. He realized after we hung up that he hadn’t congratulated me or asked me anything about the “lucky boy” at all, and called me back again to do just that. Aah, love.
And then you have the genuine happy reactions. “I am so happy for you.” Of course this one also depends on who is saying it. But fairly authentic most of the times.
“Finally”. I will explain why I like this one. If a girl says it, it means she is jealous, because at some point some guy (in all probability one she likes) has definitely asked her if “that girl she talks to” (me, ofcourse) is single. If a boy says it, it means he has been wondering why such a girl (again, me, ofcourse) was still single. Either way, love it.
And my absolute favourite—“Are you happy?”. Very few people will ask you this very simple question. And for those who do, never doubt their intentions. Because they do not take for granted that you are happy. And very few people in your life will do that.
Then the usual questions follow after you have broken the news.
Who is the lucky boy? I always feel underlying sarcasm associated with the “lucky”. Call me skeptical. But honestly, why can’t people just ask normally--Who’s the guy? As a society, we are fascinated with adjectives. For us, it is the invisible but mandatory blank preceding the noun. So “who’s the guy” becomes:
Who’s the lucky guy? (Seriously, how the hell does anyone know if he’s lucky? And Just as yet? I don’t know myself.)
Who’s the poor guy? (For one, this is plain insulting. This is sincerely not a topic a girl will appreciate jokes on. And mostly this will be used by a male. So it’s chauvinistic too.)
Who’s the young man? (This could be a serious faux pas. What if the girl (not me, ofcourse) is marrying a Sean Connery contemporary?)
Who’s your would-be? (Would-be what?? Partner, room-mate, boss…the possibilities are endless. And although the question is clear enough with the context, I still object to the sheer ambiguity.)

I hate breaking this news to relatives. I am immediately inundated with a barrage of queries pertaining to the essential (to them, ofcourse) vital stats of the chosen one. Finesse and subtlety for a toss.
How much does he earn? (For heaven’s sakes, how could it possibly make a difference to you? And I mean, come on…am I actually expected to answer that with a number??? Of all the absurd things people assume….)
How many brothers/sisters does he have? Where are they currently? (I understand human beings are inherently curious. But there is a thin line between being curious and trying to pull off as a page 3 reporter. Unfortunately, for these people that line might as well be a dot.)
How was the engagement? (A perfectly legitimate question. If only it is not followed by a disturbing look over, scouting for valuables acquired at the said occasion.)

Strangely, I seem to belong to a minority of people who do not like sharing extreme details about these things. Most people, I have seen are almost too eager to share what they wore, what they received, who attended, what the food consisted of, where the makeup was done….Believe me, people can talk. I fail to understand the motivation, if there is one. There must be, I guess. Why else would people be so determined to sketch a three-dimensional version of intensely personal stuff?The only time I think, when people (all kinds, shapes, personalities, sizes, characters) are always genuinely happy for you, is when you open the sweets, or take out your credit card to foot the bill of a (forced, always—because seriously, why would you spend money if you are about to get married??) treat. It is suddenly a joyous occasion, and this time the good wishes are truly heart-felt. Go figure.