The Please Walk Over Me Types (PWOM)

Ever notice the individuals in your workplace, college, class who look always unhappy? Or philosophically speaking, always see their glasses, tumblers, plates either half empty or full of food they do not like? These are the people who have made being sad an art.

These are the type of people who are yet to discover the opposite of the word “yes”. But funnily, do not confuse them with the kinds who want to please everyone all the time. In fact, my guess is half their unhappiness stems from the fact that they know they are doing something wrong with their lives. They just don’t know what.

They invariably end up answering with an affirmative to every job that comes their way, for them no other reply exists. Along the way, obviously, they realize that they have made a mistake. But then, to disentangle themselves from the job, they would have to say “no” again, wouldn’t they? And that is simply not an option. So gloomily they go about doing the chore. And then, nothing in their lives seems to be going right.

Again, with this kind, a question could mean disaster. Normal people world over have to learn to resist the urge to ask questions. It could solve a lot of their problems. But making small talk with these people is an unattainable aspiration. Because every time they open their mouths, it is to share the latest calamity in their lives. And mind you, the definition of a calamity could start as low as losing a lunch-box or missing that darned bus to office. And then be prepared for a detailed report on how important the lunch-box was, or how rude the bus-driver was. You would soon come to know about the person who gifted the lunch-box, most probably with the exact date, time and cost details. Now that I think about it, it is particularly puzzling why it is always these people who get caught in sticky situations. I am fairly certain they see it as some sort of a nature’s conspiracy.

Now once these individuals include you in their esteemed circle of friends, you will start getting calls at odd hours so that they can talk (actually so you can listen) without interruptions. And if you are really unlucky, you will very soon be appointed the agony uncle/aunt.

These people are easily manipulated by anyone with half a brain. I have known such a PWOM lady. Blessed with an exceptionally good heart, she would get upset at the slightest provocation, sometimes even without one. People in her team would use her liberally to get their work done, and would also make sure she did not get credit at all. It was quite sad, actually. But seriously, how can you blame people for taking advantage of a person who has “I am a pushover” written all over in bold, and underlined to boot? If there is one good person who understands the frailties of such a person, there would be a dozen more just waiting to make hay while the sun shines. It does not help that these people are rather hard workers. And also, quick to panic. If you have not tried pacifying an unhappy and hysterical PWOM, you have missed one of the most enriching experiences that life could offer.


Oddly enough, these types of people are excellent listeners. They know what it is like having to deal with a problem, and so they make very good listening boards. But do not expect advice from them. If you just want someone to pay attention to you occasionally, get in touch with one of these. Not surprisingly and quite thankfully, these folks know that sometimes people just want to be heard. They also do not offer advice without explicitly being asked. But this is partially due to the fact that since they do not know how to help themselves, they have no idea how to go about helping others.

Being with these people for too long could seriously hamper your emotional well-being. At the end of every agonizing session with the lady I mentioned above, I used to be virtually depressed. For about 10 minutes after the conversations, I would sincerely doubt all the good in this world. That is, till I began to see the origin of all her problems. Her.
Reassuring these individuals, as you can guess by now, is therefore a mammoth task.

However, once you have been a sounding board for them or sympathized with them in any way possible, they will stand by you no matter what. With a steady loyalty. And they will never ever betray you, not even unintentionally. They will take extra care to ensure that they can help you any which way they can.

At this point, I am wondering if I should write about solutions for dealing with this species. Because, honestly, it just feels good now and then to help them out. Also, if you are having a particularly bad day, sadistically, you would feel rather merry after hearing their set of issues.
But still, if you find yourself at the receiving end of some sob stories rather exclusively and consistently, here’s what you can do. Hear them out once or twice. After all, you do not want to be labeled completely heartless. At the third or fourth call, 5 minutes into the conversation, say that someone is calling out for you and you have to hang up. Alternatively, you could also cut the phone abruptly, or after a series of diminishing (as in pretend the connection is breaking) “hellos”. After a few such calls, the fervor of the PWOM will subside enough to find another eager recipient.
On the other hand, if you genuinely feel bad for the PWOM, and you think that some advice could change his attitude, sit down and make him understand that life is sometimes about replying in the negative and putting your foot down, and not just accepting meekly whatever is handed out to you. Chances are that he knows what part of his inherent nature he needs to change. He just needs to be told by someone. So, go ahead and do the good deed.